the night

it would have been a perfect night
had we still what we used to be

in the back of my head

This won't break your heart
But I just think it could
Cause I haven't tried as hard as I should
To separate you from everything I do
But I would never want to come between us two

I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me

I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me

Now I'm thinking back
To what I said before
I hope your heart won't have to hurt anymore
Cause it's really not that sad from here
Because the moments I can feel you near
They keep you close to me my dear
And if they ever become too clear...

Now you've gone away
Don't worry it's ok
That you're gone away
Further than yesterday
But you'll never leave these scenes
My mind replays

where all the works takes place

this is my lil workspace back in Vista C when i first started medical school
reflects nothing of the life i lead at dat time
not dat i'm a messy person
just not a clean freak either heheh

i use my favorite posters from Galaxie magazines i collected during high school years as wallpaper so the paint doesn't peel off when i stick various notes n reminders etc on it
there's Britney when she's all naive n innocent, n the beautiful Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black movie poster and Avril Lavigne cute in pink
i made my own monthly planner where i jot everything down
PBLs, classes, dates, birthdays
n i loves fames ames cookies so much i have the bag on the wall as well
can't remember wat i put inside it though

dat handbag was my 1st Guess handbag
n the choco Milk Teddy bag is my school bag from matriculation months -i only attend like 3 or 4 months then cabut to Sunway heheh-
just to emphasize i am a med students, all those medical books and pinky stethoscopes and the blue student id tag
several wedding reception gifts from Ice's bro wedding
dat small blue creature nestling in handphone holder also the blue crayon box containing coin for gayut sessions downstairs are things from the past
plastic container berisi serdak biskut raya pun finds its way to the table
*geleng2 kepala*

stuffs on the floor next to the table?
no need to mention
all of the junks and serba mak nenek u can find there

i bet all these still sits sumwhere in the small storage closet at home
i even still have stuff from primary school days

i keep most of my stuffs for the simplest reason
everything has deep sentimental value to me
and dat is a damn good enuf reason for me

i know, i have trouble letting go of my past
dat just who i am

in one morning...

i worked thru 5 ERPOC (evacuation of retained product of conception) today
in a span of less than 3 hrs
it's taxing, more mentally than physically
of course most of time i'm just observing but the anaestesiologist i'm working with today wants me to be part of the team
so i get to talk to the patient albeit brieftly, fill in the anest forms, help with transporting the patient in n out of OR

it's disheartening to see these women who mostly are of my age group forced to face such cruel fate
i can only imagine the pain of losing ur unborn child
one patient woke up after the procedure sobbing, as the wave of the realization of emptiness inside her hits
her baby no longer there...
one patient is already due on biological clock, miscarriaged the first round and the other time carrying her child ectopically
no joy of motherhood for her tis time either...

heartwrenching to see as the doctor puncture the amniotic sac and slides in the forceps
extracting wat could have been another bundle of joy and all dat's taken out are blobs of clots n mangled tissues
nothing resembling us...yet wat we used to be once

a small victory meant to be hugely celebrated

Today I successfully start an IV on a real patient
yeayness to me!!!